But Here We Are

I’m going to go ahead and throw it back. Like, waaaay back, and tell you exactly how it all started and how I got to where I am today. I know I touched on it briefly in my “about me” section but I want to dive even deeper and tell you alllllll the things.

So, first and foremost, I am not a writer. This isn’t going to blow your mind, and you’re not going to sit there like “wow, she’s really good with words.” Nah… this is a space for me to be my most authentic self, because how else do you really click with someone when you can’t see… er… read what they’re really like?

Well anyway, so back when I was in high school, I was a straight F student and I skipped class all. the. time. What’s funny is that I was always accused by teachers and even the vice principle of leaving the campus and doing drugs and hooking up with the boys I hung out with or whatever other crazy stereotype they had in their head of what a straight F, class skipping student was like. Where was I, really? I was in the music hall. Not hiding, literally just sitting there, in the wide open area with headphones on, and usually reading a book or drawing. That’s it. Just in the music hall, where I felt most at peace.

The fact of the matter is, I am a creative. I have always known that. My first class of the day was Orchestra and it was the only class I would look forward to. I hated school, but I also felt like I didn’t have the support I needed for someone to guide me in the direction I was always meant to be in. Teachers hated me, gave up on me, and lost all faith in me. Okay, I’m rambling too much about high school.

Fast forward to age 30… I realized that the amount of times I’d go through a panicky downward spiral of “what the hell am I doing with my life” was getting rather high. When I was graduating high school, my thought was that I would end up in cosmetology school. Nope, backed out as soon as I got accepted. The thought of touching people’s hair all day every day actually really grossed me out. I worked a lot of jobs until age 30, and with each job came that crazy downward spiral. “I’m never going to get anywhere in life.” “Everyone is so far ahead of me.” “I’m going to go to college, get a business degree, and a high paying job working my life away as a slave to corporate America because clearly that’s the only way I can make it in life.” Okay, maybe that last one is a little exaggerated, but IS IT!? 

So the year I turned 30 and the whole entire world shut down, I thought okay, no time like the present, right? So I enrolled in Madison Area Technical College’s Liberal Arts – Pre-Business and Economics transfer program and lasted a whole 3 semesters. My average GPA was a 3.9 for all 3 semesters which like, WHAT!? Me!? I loved going to school, but I HATED math. Like with a burning, firey passion. So I thought one day “this isn’t it” and I moved on to the next. I enrolled in Event Management at MATC and lasted like 2 weeks before dropping. Haha! Well, to be fair, I had just had a baby, and let me tell you, working full time, going to school full time, and being a full time mom is just about the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Every time I had a quiz, he’d cry, my anxiety would spiral and I’d lose all focus, even though my husband would be right there taking care of him. I just couldn’t do it, so I quit. My main deciding factor for quitting, though, wasn’t the overwhelm.

July of 2022, my dear friend Hayley told me she’s marrying the love of her life, Mike. They had planned a very small, very lowkey elopement at the most gorgeous park right on the lake during the golden hour. I offered to take pictures, but said “don’t expect much, I’m just a girl with a fancy camera.” I had the Canon Rebel T3i and some real cheap, crappy lenses I bought off Amazon throughout the years. But I felt like that wasn’t fair, so I quickly bought a new camera that arrived literal days before I was supposed to shoot their elopement. Same lenses, but it was a Canon Rebel T6, I think. I knew nothing about cameras or even why I was buying a new one in the first place. But I did, and I had it for a whole 2 months, but we’ll get to that.

The day came and went. Her reception a few days later came and went, and I photographed both. I felt on top of the world. I was someone’s actual wedding photographer. These pictures that they have are the pictures they’ll have forever. No pressure or anything, right? Well, at the time, I really loved how they turned out. I was really proud of myself! They loved them even more than I did, and that felt amazing. I immediately knew I wanted to be a wedding photographer. I’ve been taking pictures for a long time. Mainly of friends, family, objects, nature… but I never thought about weddings.

I went home that night and immediately set up a Facebook page for what would eventually be my new business. I got so excited that I built a website faster than the speed of light, too. Someone asked me just days later to do their engagement shoot. Again, at the time, I was REALLY proud of these pictures, and still kindof am, but would change so many things about them. This was my first real booked and paid for photo session.

Soon after, someone posted on a local photography page that they needed a second shooter for a wedding, and preferably someone trying to build a portfolio. By some miracle, she chose me. I tagged along to this wedding with my little Canon Rebel T6, and $100 50mm lens that I found on Amazon, and I felt embarrassed by the end of the day. Her and the other photographer (there were 3 of us because the main one wanted to focus mainly on video) had these really nice fancy cameras, huge lenses, big flash things on the top of their cameras… I looked like such a phony, I wanted to go home, but I also had the time of my life. They both taught me so much that night and I left feeling more inspired than ever before.

Not too long after that, I took out a loan so that I could buy my dream camera, a Sony A7iv (mirrorless) and it was about 2k more than my shitty little Canon. But I did it, anyway. I also bought a 35mm f/1.2 Sigma Art lens. This probably means nothing to most of you, but in other words, fancy stuff.

Not too long after that, I saved enough to buy an 85mm f/1.4 Sigma Art…. then a 70-200 f/2.8, then a godox speedlight, then a million different accessories, SD cards, flash stands, another godox speedlight, more accessories, more all of the things… all within a year.

The more photo sessions I’ve shot, the more euphoric I feel, the happier I am, and the more I feel like I truly am exactly where I am meant to be.

Since that first wedding I second shot, I’ve hopped on YouTube probably 4854832975483920 times, I’ve asked photographers that inspire me sooooooo many questions (because if you know me, you know I’m not afraid to just ask the damn questions.) I’ve second shot 10 weddings, associate shot 2, and have now booked 10 of my own solo weddings.

My photography started with shooting in auto, not understanding literally a single camera setting, not knowing how to edit anything beyond cropping and the exposure dial in lightroom, to understanding the vast majority of my camera settings, shooting only in manual at all times, and so many editing things I can’t even begin to explain.  So I made my business a legitimate business with contracts, retainer fees, a nice website that you just looked at, and tons of other stuff.

I had no intentions on going full time with it, until I felt really established and “well-known” and was making consistent income. I had a plan.

I quit my job of nearly 7 years to work for a company that I felt was too good to pass up. They had an in house daycare and in can say no to that!? $200 a week vs the average $400? It was too good to be true. Actually, it really was. From my very first day, I saw so many red flags, but brushed them off as nothing. Long story short, I lasted 2.5 months there before they let me go with no warning what-so-ever. I spent a month looking for a new job and was not having much luck at all. I didn’t know what to do at all and I thought my life was over. Okay, not really, but I was pretty damn scared. I went in to a pretty decent depression but I had to hold it together to some degree for my son.

My husband and I talked a lot and decided to just put a hold on job searching and see where my photography takes us. So we did. I’ve now been home with my boy, working the job of my dreams and finally doing what I love most, for 4 months now and it has truly been the best 4 months of my life. I cherish every single day, because I never thought we could swing having me stay home like this. I never thought people would really want to book me, but here we are.

Anyway, that was long. My bad.

Thanks for coming to my TedTalk. This was fun, let’s do it again.

-B