Let’s talk about Imposter Syndrome…

Let’s be honest, here. Everyone deals with imposter syndrome at least once in their lives! I mean, at least I think so, right?………………right? Well, anyway… if you don’t, lucky you. If you do, great! Because ME TOO!!! I’m going to be super honest, here and expose myself but that’s why you’re here, is it not?

Okay, so if you’re unfamiliar with what imposter syndrome is:

#1 – It’s very real!

#2 – The textbook definition is: The condition of feeling anxious and not experiencing success internally, despite being high-performing in external, objective ways. This condition often results in people feeling like a fraud or a phony and doubting their abilities.

#3 – If you asked me what imposter syndrome means, I’d just say “me”. LOL But seriously. Let’s discuss.

So, I started out not knowing what the hell I was actually doing. Like at all. But I’ve watched a bajillion YouTube videos, I listen to podcasts, I experiment non-stop… I’m just constantly learning. I’ve come a very long way in just the one year I’ve been at it, but here’s my thing. I’ve only been doing this for a year. Like, I know my pictures are good. I love them, I’m deeply proud of them, other people love them because, I mean, I’m getting booked! So why do I still feel like a phony?

The first time I ever felt imposter syndrome was when I got engaged and tried on dresses for the first time, 11 months before our wedding. Our engagement was 18 months long, but I waited to start looking for a dress because, seriously, I felt like a phony. I couldn’t even believe I was engaged, in the first place. I didn’t understand what I was feeling until I talked with a friend and she said “yeah, that’s imposter syndrome. I had it, too!” So there you have it. Solid evidence that it’s a very real thing!

I feel it very often in this career. I’ll look at someone else’s work, close my laptop, walk to the next room, grab my camera and immediately throw it in the trash. Okay, just kidding, I’ve never done that, but I might’ve thought about it. Sometimes I think “why am I doing this when these people could be booking XYZ?” Look at their work! How freakin stunning! I wish I was that creative!” “I wish my photos looked that good!” “I wish, I wish, I wish!”

But that’s the funny thing about art. Photography IS art. Art is an expression of our imagination and our creativity. What I see as a beautiful moment worthy of a photograph could be something that someone else doesn’t see at all. Same goes for editing. I take a photo that I feel needs to be in black and white. Someone else sees the same photo and thinks it should be warm and cozy tones. Someone else is looking at the same photograph, and they feel bright, vibrant and colorful! They always say beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and it couldn’t be more true, especially in art.

The other weird thing is, is because I got fired from my most recent job and decided to be a stay-at-home mom, people just assume I’m not working. But I am. As a matter of fact, I’m working my ass off! Running your own business isn’t just all willy nilly easy peasy lemon squeezy. It surely aint! It’s hard work! So when someone asks me what I do for work, sometimes I accidentally say “Oh, I’m just a stay-at-home mom.” Or when they ask about my photography I act as though it’s just a little side hustle knowing damn well it’s my full blown career. I am running a legitimate business and I’m still over here acting like I don’t. I think I get a little embarrassed talking about it, sometimes, but like I said, that’s the imposter syndrome for ya! I truly hate when I say “I’m a photographer” and someone will come back with a “Oh, (insert someone they know) is/was a photographer too!” and they proceed to show you pictures and you’re like “*shifty eyes* …..okay…..” because, and I’m just going to be super honest with you, just because you have a camera, doesn’t mean you’re a photographer. That was kindof mean, but like SERIOUSLY. Oh! OR when someone looks at my pictures and they say “wow, these look like professional pictures!” Thanks, it’s probably because THEY ARE.

ANYWAY, anyway, aaaaaanyway……. if you’re like me and you’re beating yourself up nonstop about what a phony you think you are, stop. Close your eyes, take a deeeeeeeep, looooooong breath, think about why you’re doing what you’re doing, and then just shut the hell up and move on with your life because no one else is you and you aren’t them so let’s all just do the damn thing we love k byeeeee!

-B